New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
