We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Randomize
