I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
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