she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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