4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
