i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
