idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize