Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
