i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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