He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
