The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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