I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Is Oprah even human
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
