Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
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