He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
