Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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