If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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