She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize