you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
