I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
