Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
