idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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