They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
