Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
