eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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