I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
