you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
