Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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