yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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