she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize