I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize