just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
