you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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