Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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