I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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