the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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