You're a womanizer and a bitch.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Two words: blizzard sex
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
