I'm going to jail i love you
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
