I saw his package. It spoke to me.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize