I wish my penis had an off switch
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
