census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
