you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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