My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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