My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Randomize
