i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
