In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
