Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
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