My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
