the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
When did we convert life to cartoon?
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Randomize
