I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
