I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Drake has all the answers
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
