you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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