i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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