checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
