What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Randomize