After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
