So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
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