just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Randomize
