I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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