the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
