I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
