The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
