Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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