just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
