We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
this will be a night to untag.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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