he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
