There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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