I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
it was like eating out sand paper
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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