Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize