im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
