Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
