No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
