We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize